Twin Sized Bed



Written 19 June 2002

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Have you ever made love in a twin-sized bed?

I admit, my daydreams – as well as my night dreams – could never touch the reality. The closeness, the smell, the feel of him in my arms almost defies reality.

The reality is not two grown men moving seamlessly against each other. It's more of a planned disaster. Not to say it's not absolutely wonderful, because it is. It's the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me in my life.

We – Ray Kowalski and I – had been working hard on a case involving snowmachines, bananas and tinkertoys. When we wrapped it up, Ray turned to me, smiled and said, "Fraser, my friend, we need a vacation."

"Indeed, Ray. What do you have in mind?"

"I'm thinking someplace cold," he shrugged. "Sound good to you?"

"Sounds perfect, Ray."

We put in our respective requests and were granted two weeks time off.

The cabin we rented was sturdy and warm. There was running water and electricity, and of course a bathroom, all of which were Ray's main requirements. He said he could live without television, but not hot baths.

"Oh, man, Fraser, lookit this tub!" Ray crowed in delight as he stood in the doorway of the bathroom.

I looked around him, and my eyes widened. It was huge. "Good Lord, Ray. Do you think they bathed entire teams of dogs in there?"

"Don't care, all I know is that I've died and gone to bathtub heaven."

I laughed and looked over at him, really looked at him. He looked tired, but happy, and that made my heart sing. I loved him. He was the other half of my soul, even though he didn't realise it. He caught me looking and he winked at me. I smiled at him and turned away to finish putting up the supplies we'd brought while Ray put various toiletries in the bathroom.

I never realised that one person could use so many personal care products on their hair until I met Ray.

After dinner – beef stew from a can and cornbread from a mix – I sat on the couch and read while he cleaned the kitchen. When he was done, he sat down next to me, leaned against me, causing me to hold my breath in pleased surprise, and then he fell asleep, his head on my shoulder.

I allowed myself the liberty of putting my arm around him and holding him close while I read.

By the time he stirred against me, I was lost in yet another fascinating tale, held ransom by the book in my hand, and he murmured, "Whatcha reading?"

"Tales of the City, Ray."

"Oh. Okay." He sat up, rubbed his face and wiped his mouth. I watched him make his way across the floor to get a drink, then he turned back and looked at me. "I'm going to bed. You coming?"

"Of course, if you wish." I put the bookmark in the book and set it aside, turning off lights and giving Diefenbaker one last pat before heading into the bedroom. My stomach spun at the sight of one twin bed, sitting all alone in the corner. "They told me that there were two double beds!"

"Well, unless one's hiding in the closet, there ain't."

"There is no closet."



We stared at the twin bed, then Ray sighed, his head bowed. "You take it, Fraser."

"No, Ray, you take it, I'll sleep on the couch."

He turned and looked at me, then rubbed his face. "Hey. We can share."

"What?" I never realised my voice could go that high.

"Yeah. C'mon." He began to undress and I backed away from him. I could not… it was wrong, I would make a fool of myself – "Fraser?"

"I'll sleep on the couch," I said firmly, turning and walking back into the living room. There were plenty of linens, so I made up the couch, and as I began to lie down, Ray came back into the living room. He waited until I was flat on my back and then he advanced on me, his figure silhouetted by the light in the bedroom.

He stopped next to me and I stared up at him. Dropping to his knees, he laid his hand on my chest. I found it hard to breathe, his hand searing a path to my heart.

"Don't you have a heart in there?" Ray asked quietly.

I nodded and stammered, "Y-yes, of course, Ray."

"Then… why won't you let yourself love me?"

"What?" I was stunned.

Ray sighed. "I see how you look at me. I see you love me."

"I – I'm sorry Ray. I never, I didn't –" I jabbered, completely and utterly humiliated. Had I been that transparent?

"I'm not sorry. I'm just sorry you feel you can't love me," Ray whispered, his fingers moving slightly on my chest.

"Ray, it's not you," I choked out. "I never thought –"

Ray leaned forward and brushed his lips across my cheek. "Ask."

My heart pounded in my chest, my mouth went dry and I blurted, "Love me?" If I had not been held down by that hand, I would have bolted.

"Yes. Forever," Ray said softly, his breath hot against my cheek as he spoke. "Come to bed now."

I let him lead me to that twin bed in the corner, let him push me down onto the soft mattress, let him pull the wedding ring quilt over us as he lay on top of me.

He reached over to turn off the light and I reached up and held his arm. "No, Ray."

"Why? Thought you was ready for bed," he said, puzzled.

I smiled and let my free hand slide down his back. "I want to watch you."

He looked surprised and pleased, and then nodded, leaning down to kiss me. His fingers curled around my shoulders and he shifted against me slightly, sliding his tongue into my mouth. I began to suck on it, delighting in his moans.

When he pulled away, his mouth wet, his eyes hot, I rolled us to our side, and almost fell off the bed. But he held tight, and I held him, and we shifted, twining our legs together as we rocked against each other, our mouths melding together once more. I began to kiss down his jaw and sucked on the side of his throat which he seemed to like a great deal. I sucked harder and he bucked against me. I pushed him against the wall, excited and hot for him. I held him hard and rolled my pelvis side to side against his.

He moaned.

I did it again, and he moaned again, gasping, "Fuck, please, God, Fraser, please…"

I bit him.

He whimpered, his fingers digging into my skin, and climaxed. I pressed tighter against him, letting his orgasm warm the space between us as I licked the mark on his throat. "Mine now," I whispered.

"Yeah," he rasped. "What you want to do to me? Fuck me? Suck me?"

"I want to do it all," I said with utter surety.

"Fuck me first, please…"

We rolled around, a tangle of limbs and blankets, and finally I got impatient and tossed the quilt on the floor. I slid my penis against Ray's backside, and he shivered. "Like that?"

"Urgh," Ray grunted.

I licked my finger and slid it into his body, amazed at how tight he was. "Ray, have you –"

"No, but I want to."

I stopped, startled. I'd thought – he seemed so confident, so assured. I thought he was experienced. But the thought that he came to this bed, our bed, as a virgin, filled me full of a hunger I'd never experienced.

"I trust ya, Fraser," he looked back at me and smiled shyly. "No going back now."

"No," I agreed, my throat hoarse, my hand stroking his flank as if he would bolt from me. But he won't. I know that now. I got up, walked to my pack and fetched the Vaseline I brought for wind chap. I scooped some out and slid my hand over my penis, gritting my teeth as the sensation brought me perilously close to orgasm.

Then, with my wet, slick fingers, I opened him up, dropping kisses on his back, relaxing him for me. Finally I pushed into him, slow, steady, easy, and he trembled around me, his breath coming harshly, his body protesting this intrusion. "It hurts, I know, but –"

"No, no, no," Ray shook his head. "Doesn't… I'm just… I belong to you now."

Dear God, I wished I could see his face.

I pulled him up until his back was against my chest and we were both on our knees, and I made love to him. We almost toppled off the bed again, but I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close, and whispered, "You're it for me." He nodded and I kissed the back of his neck, not stopping my thrusting into his body. He stroked himself as I held him tight, and I couldn't believe I waited this long to trust in him, to trust in us, and I whispered, "I'm sorry."

As always, he knew me. "No, Ben. No. We're good, God, yes, again, just like that, please…"

I held him tight as I orgasmed, unable to hold back any longer.

Panting, I rested my forehead against the back of his head before I raised my head and looked over his shoulder to see his hand stroking his cock. I reached down, put my hand over his and whispered, "Come for me, Ray."

He did, shuddering and moaning, and then I held him for a few more minutes before I carefully pulled out of him. Together, we collapsed onto this too-small bed. He wiggled around, almost pulling my penis off in the process, but finally, he looked me in the face, his eyes bright. He reached up, touched my lips and smiled at me.

I smiled back.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," I said quietly, running my fingers through his short-cropped hair. "Could you be happy with me?"

"I already am, Fraser." He snuggled closer to me, warming my heart even more. "I snore. And I slobber in my sleep."

"I know."

"Can you be happy with me?" Ray asked, looking worried.

I smiled and touched his cheek with my fingertips. "I already am, Ray."

"Good." And he closed his eyes to go sleep. I reached over, and turned off the light, and thought that maybe a twin-sized bed wasn't so bad after all.

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